Sweet Enough

The end of the honeymoon is fast approaching and it is time to move forward with grace and acceptance..."Each difficult moment has the potential to open my eyes and open my heart" ~ Myla Kabat-Zinn

Monday, November 27, 2006

I Think I Might Be Back.....

Life over the last few months has had me do many health zig zags that was sometimes scary but turned out all right in the end in some obscure way. I was going to start writing again when I got out of hospital a while back but I didn't feel I was contributing much. Now I am thinking well why can't I, just because I am not some great writer, that wasn't the point of starting it was a place for me to release the medical and health crap that has been going on in my life - so I am over time going to change the look of this blog - if I can work out html - and make it more of a medical journal of my life with the occasional happenings in my life.
Last time I wrote here I was experiencing severe headaches and just couldn't function and a week after leaving here I was rushed to Perth by plane as it was thought I had another occurrence of the blood clot, which led to spending 4 weeks in Royal Perth Hospital Neurology/Stroke Ward - thankfully I had a great room mate and we have become good friends and keep in contact even though there is a great distance.
This stay involved discovering that I had very high intercranial pressure from 2 lumber punctures and when releasing the fluid I had no headaches for 24 hours - pure bliss - but then there was talk of having a shunt put in which was all fine and good but you could not put it in my spine because of heavy scar tissue so they would have to go through my head and that was a scary time because they gave me all these scenarios of what they could do - each one more scarier than the last. In the end it was decided that they would drill a hole in my skull and place a probe in their and measure the intercranial pressure over 48 hours - I had to stay in the High dependency Ward for that because Intensive Care was full - this was when my Mum flew down to keep me company and to be their 'just in case'.
After that, it was decided that the intercranial pressure wasn't high enough to take the risk of putting in a shunt and because of my pain issues they got pain management involved especially as I have a pain condition (CRPS/RSD) which I have discussed before. When they came to see me it was discovered that it was actually the pain condition that was causing the intercranial pressure to rise and the headaches to occur because the condition had spread to my brain.
I was tranferred to the Rehabilition Hospital (Shenton Park - part of Royal Perth) as this is where the pain management Team worked from and I was admitted for 5 weeks of intensive therapy through a ketamine infusion and physiotherapy which involved being introduced to the mirror box and also a recognise program which helps you recognise what is left and right which over the years I have lost the ability to recognise the left side of my body because of the intense pain and mobility issues, etc. I have learnt to separate myself from it - it was time to get back in touch or I was facing a grim future.
So the big thing that happened while I was in hospital is that the 'honeymoon period" stopped and was whisked straight back onto insulin - I was devastated that is had suddenly happened over night. I was fine with it all for about 8 weeks (I was on 6 units of novarapid three times a day and 6 units of protophane at night), lets just say the last 4 weeks have been pure hell and I am now on 25 units of both novarapid and protophane and looks like going higher - I have had very high BSL's for the last 4 weeks - I am lucky if I can get it below 20 - mostly you can't even measure it and it is resulting in me having severe vomiting at the moment and jitteriness and flickers in my body and I am also suffering from falling asleep everywhere - I recently was nearly involved in a serious car accident - fell alseep behind the wheel - I fall asleep on the toilet (don't laugh I am serious) and quite a few times that involves fall off and having some nasty bumps to the head and other parts of my body. I fall asleep at work - at watch out if I have a pen in my hand with paper under it - I don't feel it coming on it just happens and I wake up a few seconds, minutes or the longest was an hour later.
So that about sums most of it up - what a funky life I am living at the moment. So thanks for the caring comments and I will hope to get back to commenting on other pages soon and meeting other people out there.
Take Care
~xx~

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Absent



I have been away for quite a while and will continue this absence for a while longer.

Not too well at the moment...hope to be back soon...take care

~xx~

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

MeMe

Taken from Julia...

Accent: Well to me I don't have one, but on the phone I am mistaken for my Mum who has an English accent. When I was in the US everyone I met begged me to talk because they thought it was hilarious to hear an aussie accent and then my Dad is Scottish - so who knows????

Booze: Nope not very often - though if I was to it would be a glass of white wine or an exotic cocktail as long as it has watermelon in it.

Chore I Hate: WEEDING, WEEDING & WEEDING

Dog or Cat: definitely dog and I mean a real dog - no yippy yappy ones.

Essential Electronics: Computer and coffee machine

Favorite Perfume: Happy by Clinique and Rockin Rio by Escarda

Gold or Silver: Silver, though I love Rose Gold.

Hometown: Karratha, Western Australia

Insomnia: Hell Yes too much floating around in this head of mine.

Job Title: Maintenance/Purchasing Clerk.

Kids: sigh no, but I have a great niece and nephew to play with so it is all good.

Living arrangements: Live in a house with my whole immediate family currently, but thinking about doing something very grown up and building my own home.

Most admirable traits: I don't know - I hope that people feel I am trustworthy, empathic, kind and loyal.

Number of sexual partners: Let's not go there.

Overnight hospital stays: Way too many.

Phobias: Low heights, rodents, and being alone for the rest of my life.

Quote: "In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after truth" ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Religion: I have my own beliefs that I follow and I respect other peoples right to follow their own faiths.

Siblings: One sister.

Time I wake up: 5.30am weekdays and 7.00am weekends or when my niece comes and bonks me on the head with her cereal bowl demanding breakfast.

Unusual talent or skill: No talents or skills.

Vegetables I love: broccoli.

Worst habit: Impatience and self doubt

X-rays: Too many.

Yummy foods I make: Thai curries and stir-fry's.

Zodiac sign: Aries

Missing In Action

I have been MIA...My nephew had his birthday party on 23 April and I got badly sunburnt/windburnt. I was not a well person for about 72 hours and now I am shedding a few layers of skin...boy the aussie sun is a killer and I had the cream etc on and was in the shade but was not wearing appropriate clothing and that was that.....

Not much happening in my life - it is very boring and predictable and needs to change, but I have no idea where to start. I am really finding it hard to go out and meet new people, I just have no idea how to go about it in a country town. I was asking a few people at work and they looked at me like I had grown horns so I don't know how things are going to work out here and how to overcome my shyness and get a boost in self confidence.....

I though that losing weight would help and so far have lost just over 30kgs (I have put a ticker thing at the bottom of this blog to keep track - more of a thing to keep me motivated) but that hasn't boosted my self confidence at all, just means I have to keep going out to buy new clothes :-)

I don't know, may be coming up here was not the best idea I have ever had.

Happy Birthday Dad 28/04/2006

I know that the last few months have been very difficult for you and I just want you to know that when somebody has given so much of himself through the years, it is hard to find a way to say thanks. But for all the times you took the time and for all the wonderful memories you have given our family --- Thanks Dad.

You'll Always Be Loved Very Much.

Happy Birthday!

Love Always
Carolyn
~xxx~

Happy Birthday Deccy V 15/04/2006

One year ago you entered the world and made your family complete. You have brought such love and happiness to all of us and we have enjoyed watching you grow and develop your personality and achieve all those milestones you set out to complete.

I am so proud to be your Aunty Carolyn ~ I never knew you could love someone so much until you and your sister blessed me with your presence. Please know that I love you very much and respect you and will always be here for you while you are growing up and for always.

Happy 1st Birthday Deccy V!

Love Always
Aunty Carolyn
~xxx~

Friday, April 21, 2006

Control Questions

Diabetes......it has been taking up a lot of my thinking time of late. Have I done the right thing stopping the insulin. I realise I have been managing fine without it but as I have said previously over the last four months things are changing and I have started to notice a pattern.

I seem to be fine for 6 weeks and then 6 weeks things will be pretty crappy and then the cycle starts again - does this mean that the honeymoon is coming to an end???? Who Knows????

I have noticed over the last month that I have become very tired and lethargic (thyroid is still borderline so not that) - could this be related to the Diabetes????

Should I consider just going back onto insulin now and getting back into a real routine of things before the honeymoon comes to an end or wait till I crash and burn again. May be that is what I am worrying about - crashing and burning - being in a country town where I still am not sure what would happen if something was to go wrong.

Would taking control of the Diabetes now give me some sort of ultimate control of how things would progress, etc. Or am I best leaving this alone and just waiting to see what happens????

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Study

After my birthday post, someone left a comment saying that you are never too old to study and I totally agree, but my problem is I can't make up my mind what I want to study.

All my teenage years I wanted to study Physiotherapy, but I knew that with my physical condition that would not be possible, so I looked into Pharmacy, but I suck at chemistry and I mean I really am dreadful at chemistry - I love the concepts and ideas behind chemistry, etc but I just can't get my head around it , so that became out of the question, until someone suggested Podiatry.

Everyone goes EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, but you have to understand I LOVE and ADORE feet and I had it all planned, my business name and I even had the sign design (though little Miss A chewed it but the concept is still there) and was going to introduce alternative practices as well such as reflexology, acupuncture, etc.......I got into University, but just missed the cut to get into Podiatry by 7.6 points so I went into a Bachelor of Life Science in human Biology and after a year I could transfer into Podiatry. I got the marks but at the interview they felt that I would not be able to do it physically I was absolutely devastated - how could they say that, they had no idea of my capabilities and how I can do anything I set my mind too do....anyway that was the end of Uni for me - if I couldn't do what I wanted to do then that was it for me....

Now in my working life it is coming to a stage where I need to go back and do a degree in something and I just can't make up my mind in what. I want it to be something to do with health as that is a passion of mine - I have thought along the lines of nutrition, occupational health and safety and mixing that up with a business degree (though that aspect would bore me to tears but would be advantageous) but the more I look the more possibilities I see then I look at how long it is going to take to actually complete it and is it really worth it....

SIGH it is a tough one.......to study or not to study and if so WHAT??????

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Happy Birthday To Me

Well I have reached the big 3-0.......it got me thinking, I am not one of those people who cares too much about age etc and that it is devastating to reach this age, but I did have things in mind that I would of achieved by the time I was 30.....and I haven't, not even one of them.

By the age of 30 I thought I would be happily married and have one child or have one on the way and would have my own successful podiatry practice. I am very single, definitely no children and not looking like ever having the opportunity to have them, never got to do my degree in podiatry - didn't even complete the degree I was doing.....

One of my friends from high school sent me this beautiful card and she said she had been thinking about what I thought I would of achieved by the age of 30 and she said I might not have achieved that, but you are an amazing friend with a beautiful personality and you have achieved so much just not in the way you had planned and that is ok......and you know what it is ok, but still....

My birthday didn't quite go to plan, was just my Dad and I in the end. My sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew flew down to Perth to get their house ready to put on the market and my mum got flown down at the beginning of last week for some medical tests and she has been kept in Perth for some further testing....I haven't met to many people up here yet I really do have to get over being so shy......and this cyclone weather has just about done me in I was in bed by 6.30am on Friday night just couldn't handle being in so much pain and just wanted to go hide under the covers.....on the diabetes side of things I found it quite interesting to note that when my pain levels rise my blood sugars rise even though I had nothing to eat and had only been drinking water they still rose......something to think about......

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Atmospheric Changes

The cyclone last week really did a number on my body with all the atmospheric changes.....at home everyone is in shorts and tops complaining how hot and humid it is while outside it is blowing a gale with heavy rain and I am huddled in the corner with a tracksuit on shivering and complaining how cold it is and pain just rolling through my body......
My body started playing up a couple of days before hand and was starting to feel better at the beginning of this week.....BANG this morning they have named another cyclone of the coast of WA - Cyclone Hubert. It is only a category 1 at the moment and it should skip over where I live but boy it is extremely windy and ominous-looking outside and it has been like that for the last 48 hours.....my body is screaming HERE WE GO AGAIN.....
Roll on the end of April is all I can say - the end of the cyclone season....